a few things from my memory that keep bothering me.

i was thinking about how my grandma always used to tell me that i "changed". A PERSON IS SUPPOSED TO CHANGE. i kinda think that she said i changed because she was always trying to scare me into just agreeing with her and doing what she wanted- so she didn't think i changed. she was trying to make change seem negative. what EXACTLY about me "changed"? i step back and look at the BIGGER PICTURE. i ran away from home to new york because i WANTED change so bad. I WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT SATISFIED WITH MY SITUATION IN LIFE. so much as i was even willing to LOSE it all, so i could get to where i was actually satisfied in life. i'm not excusing it. i should've been more patient.. but i was a punk kid that thought the world revolved around me and i was willing to grab any opportunity available as soon as it came to me. at least i didn't drop out of school when i was 12 (never to return) though. i, at least, am taking steps to get my life back and constructively- UNLIKE certain sisters who live to read my blog in hopes she'll turn into me- not gonna happen tubs, ESPECIALLY since you can't even get your high school diploma which jobs REQUIRE a person to have (you're not gonna be lucky all the time to have an uncle who can get you a job without it all the time). i don't know what "changed".. i was ALWAYS NEVER satisfied with where i was in life. i knew i was capable of MORE and if you wanna go assuming you know everything about my life and tell your daughter and daughter-in-law how i'm "ungrateful" just to make yourself look good- GO RIGHT AHEAD! at least i'm helping someone.. i guess.. let foolish people try to make themselves look smart. doesn't matter to me because she doesn't have ANY control over where i end up. NOBODY but ME does. apparently i'm UNGRATEFUL for having the knowledge that i'm capable of MORE than just depending on social security and staying by a bunch of unsupportive honkeys who only support me when it's convenient and/or beneficial to THEM. shit on me. i'm more than likely never gonna drop this "ungrateful" shit because it's so UNTRUE and it's wild that someone thinks they can get away with that lie to make themselves appear better and more holy. where'd it say in the bible that it was okay for a person's son to drink and drive while putting his two friends' lives at risk? then he's AUTOMATICALLY forgiven because Christ forgives us of our sins for putting his son to death. i don't think any of this makes sense.. just as long as her family comes out on top! DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE THAT A VICTIM HAS TO GO THROUGH! JESUS SAYS FORGIVE! EVEN AFTER 6 MONTHS IN A COMA AND 15 SOME YEARS WHEELCHAIR-BOUND! DOESN'T MATTER THAT I HAD GOALS TO BE A DOCTOR AND GTFO OF THIS STATE EVEN BACK THEN! I "CHANGED" THOUGH! I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT BECAUSE IT TELLS ME EXACTLY WHO YOU CARE ABOUT AND IT AIN'T ME! get bent. mind your business.